If This Is Socialization, My Kids Will Take a Pass

The number one question asked of homeschoolers by the curious, the nosy, and the disdainful is “But what about socialization?” They want to know, how can your kids learn how to get along with others if they aren’t tossed unthinkingly into a large group of unsupervised, ill-mannered hooligans? Case in point: Seven ninth-grade boys at Pascack Valley High School got suspended for distributing racy photos of more than 20 fellow students via cell phones and school-issued laptops.

This isn’t the only time this has happened in Bergen County in recent history, according to the county prosecutor, John L. Molinelli. He can recall six similar incidents since he was appointed six years ago. Schools in other locales are also dealing with these types of issues.

Cases of teens sending around lewd cell phone pictures of their bodies have been reported in New York, Connecticut, Alabama, Utah, Pennsylvania, Texas

Earlier this year, Davis County in Utah investigated a complaint from a parent of a junior high student, and ended up following the investigation into five junior high and three high schools.

The Davis County Attorney’s Office has come under criticism for pushing the issue, but Rawlings defended the actions, saying that had they done nothing it would have sent a message that it was acceptable behavior. In some cases, the photos were taken in a voyeuristic fashion or were used as exploitation. Some photos memorialized sex acts between teens.

Criticism from whom? Those parents who say “kids will be kids” with a little smirk while hiding the receipts from their latest affair? Those parents who believe that this type of behavior just shows that their teen is “more confident and assertive,” those parents who are so wrapped up in image that they believe this must be a sign that their child is popular?

One teenage girl from Pascack had an interesting point of view on why middle school girls would bare their bodies in this manner:

“There are some moms who want their kids to fit in,” she added. “So they pressure them to look their best, dress well, and they’re not teaching them the right kind of moral standards because they’re putting materialism above that.”

And yet some people insist that homeschooled children are “missing out” on an integral part of childhood by having their parents help to select their playmates and supervise their interactions.

Homeschooled children are not kept from other children. Rather, they are taught how to behave and interact in respectful, appropriate ways with people of all ages. Through field trips, homeschool groups, clubs such as 4-H, Girl/Boy Scouts, music lessons, dance lessons, sports, church activities, volunteering, neighborhood playmates- the list goes on and on- homeschooled children learn to interact with real people in real settings. They aren’t under peer pressure to behave a certain way, or to only be friends with a certain type of person. These students are free to think for themselves, and develop their own ideas and beliefs.

In a public school, children are segregated by age. They have only minimal contact with adults throughout the day; although they are frequently in the company of their teacher, little one-on-one conversation can take place when there are so many children with whom to contend. In what setting in the “real world” are adults segregated by age in this manner?

There is pressure to fit in, to be popular, to participate in “group-think” rather than being independent, forming your own beliefs and standing on them. Try walking through a public school in between classes, and observing the activity around you, and then ask yourself- which of these behaviors do I want my children to be learning? Chances are, you won’t find many.

Homeschooled children, who have learned how to interact positively with all ages of people, may be “out of the loop” when it comes to sending other children nudie photos, but when it comes to living in the “real world,” their varied social life puts them at an advantage.