Leave it to Glenn Beck to come up with the most offensive way to celebrate a holiday created by a man who loved the Earth but killed his girlfriend. (Interesting aside, “Ira Einhorn was arrested for murder March 28, 1979, the day the Three Mile Island nuclear plant accident occurred…The environmentalist killed more people than the so-called environmental disaster.”)
Anyway, Glenn Beck wanted to celebrate Earth Day in a way that could be remembered. So, he had an acre of forest clear cut so it would make it easier to shoot deer there.
The idea of clear cutting woodland and shooting deer was almost too much for Beck to handle, especially on Earth Day.
“This is not only going to hack off all the environmentalists but all the PETA people, too,” he said.
“I need Barry White music,” he excitedly announced. “This is almost full-fledged light some candles, this is eroticism.”
After the roar of the chainsaw fired up, Beck was told that Tim the forest manager felled two trees specifically for him and his producer.
“I laid down an Aspen tree with Glenn’s name on it and an Aspen tree with Stu’s name on it,” Tim the woodsman announced. “So you are both involved.”
Bigger
But Beck’s glee was short-lived. The Aspen trees were too puny he said.
“Don’t you have like a big huge oak or something?” Beck asked.
“No, no, we don’t cut oak. We cut Aspen and stuff like that and we leave behind the good stuff,” the woodsman replied.
When Tim announced he would cut down an American elm, however, Beck’s spirits were lifted.
“You go to Central Park, American Elms, those are a big deal because they are almost wiped out and everything else. So I mean, give me another Elm, just give me another American Elm,” Beck pleaded.
Wish received. Another elm was cut down.
Benefits
Tim the woodsman then tried to explain the environmental benefits of culling trees. But did so in a manner that Beck might appreciate.
“When you cut down trees for paper, it’s a positive thing because you wind up planting more trees and, you know, over time it’s clearly been shown that all these environmental benefits that go to these companies that are supposedly cutting down trees, blah, blah blah, blah blah, they were going to plant them anyway because it’s part of their business plan,” he explained.
How did Beck describe the experience?
“This is like nirvana here,” Beck said.
The only thing that could top this is if he were hitting the deer with a big SUV.
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