I can put up with a lot of things from the federal government. Social security taxes, knowing full well that Social Security is a Ponzi scheme that will fail before I can see a dime of it. Stimulus money for airports that see no use, just because they have the right representative in Congress.
I can even tolerate the Senate majority leader saying that the tourists that visit the Capital building, you know, the people, are smelly.
But now they go too far. Now, they are getting into an area that causes me great distress. Now, they are talking about taxing soda. And that, dear readers, means war:
“While many factors promote weight gain, soft drinks are the only food or beverage that has been shown to increase the risk of overweight and obesity, which, in turn, increase the risk of diabetes, stroke, and many other health problems,” Michael Jacobson of the Center for Science in the Public Interest, which is pushing the idea, said in his testimony. “Soft drinks are nutritionally worthless…[and] are directly related to weight gain, partly because beverages are more conducive to weight gain than solid foods.”
According to Jacobson, “Beverage companies market more than 14 billion gallons of calorie-laden soft drinks annually. That is equivalent to about 506 12-oz. servings per year, or 1.4 servings per day, for every man, woman, and child.”
He argued that each penny of tax on a 12 ounce drink would raise $1.5 billion annually and lower consumption roughly one percent, improving overall health. The Congressional Budget Office estimates that a three-cent tax would generate $24 billion over the next four years.
You know what this means? This means that, if passed, it will lead to more and more taxes, higher and higher costs, until I am buying my Mountain Dew out of the back of a trailer from the mob. Yeah, that’s right. The mob will be bootlegging Mountain Dew because the taxes will be outrageous.
And what about all the World of Warcraft players in America? The bloggers? The hackers? What are they supposed to do? Without Mountain Dew, they will have to switch to Mellow Yellow, which you know doesn’t have the energy boost they need to get by.
No, of all the things these bozos have come up with, this is clearly the most dangerous. This could tip the balance of power back to the Republican party. You really want to motivate the young voters? Fight for their right to tax free Jones Soda.
Seriously though, don’t mess with my Mountain Dew. You’ve already taken too many from my fridge as it is.
